


Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 127

by crazyoldhermit



Series: Obi-Wan Kenobi: Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit [8]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-27 21:39:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6301372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyoldhermit/pseuds/crazyoldhermit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The satirical saga continues of Obi-Wan Kenobi during his time on Tatooine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 127

TATOOINE - Day 127: 

Yesterday I almost killed a man in cold blood. Don't get me wrong, he's a total douche and deserved that fate, but hearing my dead Master's voice stopped me. I could have gone through with it and still walked on the light side of the Force. I might have even been doing Beru a favor. Then Qui-Gon shocked the crap out of me by speaking. I've spent every day for the last four months meditating, as Yoda instructed, in an attempt to contact my old Master. I never heard a peep from him and was beginning to give up hope. 

My traveling companion began to cry, so I sat on a boulder and removed him from my backpack, offering him a bottle of blue milk. Luke sucked with all the force a young Padawan should. A few moments later Owen Lars caught up to us, wearing only my Jedi robe. His sunburned, snot and sand encrusted face, along with his disheveled hair made him look ridiculous. 

"You have the appearance of a crazy old hermit," I chuckled. 

"Screw you, Kenobi." He was not a happy camper. "So you're finally talking to me?"

"Listen Owen, the moment before I was to strike you down I achieved a level of enlightenment that I never truly believed possible. Because of that, both of us are very lucky men."

My precious Luke continued to guzzle his milk as Owen continued to play dumb, an act that was all too easy for both of them. Owen claimed to not understand why I wanted to kill him. The funny thing was he assumed that I no longer had any desire to do so. 

"You know what Anakin was," I began, "and what he became. He is responsible for the murder of thousands upon thousands of innocent lives, not to mention the total destruction of the Republic."

"And?" Owen was as defiant as he was stupid. I nearly ignited my saber and threw it at him. 

"From what you told me Owen, you are responsible for his mother's death. Her death was one of the major catalysts for him turning to the dark side. So you, Owen Lars, are just as responsible for his downfall as are the rest of us."

"Bullshit!" he said, kicking sand with his bare foot. "After he left here he could have come back at any time to save his mother! Instead he decided to traipse around the galaxy with YOU playing super cop."

Owen Lars is a stupid, stupid man. And in my many years of "traipsing around the galaxy" I've seen my fill of stupid. Hell, I've worked with Jar Jar Binks! But for all of Owen's failing as a sentient being he had a point about Anakin. I believe Anakin loved his mother, as much as someone like him could have. There were many times over the dozens of years when I trained and fought beside him that I offered to return to Tatooine with him and liberate his mother. He always said "someday." I think he didn't want to be reminded of where he came from, and enjoyed the notoriety of being a Jedi far too much. 

"Well anyway, Beru is scared of the baby." The droning sound of Owen's voice really led me to believe that he was hoping I would kill him. "Luke moves stuff around with his mind, and when he cries things break and going flying."

Taking a slow deep breath I replied, "Owen, I'm a Jedi, I know when you're being deceptive. You are a bigger imbecile then you appear to be."

"Wait, what?" He grunted. 

I informed the mentally defective man that his home was just over the two dunes to the west. I told him that neither Luke, nor myself, would ever see him again. And if by chance he saw us, he might want to consider running. As a final dig at the man who was making my life miserable I demanded that he return my cloak. 

I placed Luke on my back and headed in the opposite direction toward our temporary home. I glanced back once and chuckled to myself at seeing Owen bare-assed naked attempting to make his way over the dunes.


End file.
